Stress, Problems, Writing to Feel Better (and listening to Kate!)


Currently Listening
Aerial
By Kate Bush
see related

Working late at Vision Wise. Hectic week, never being able to get caught up in encoding duties. Worked almost full-time this week. About time, really. I really need to go full time here– need the money… And i really like working here. Good people. Even Dylan, who’s pretty short with everybody, at least is intelligent and gets over himself pretty quickly when he DOES lose it.

M’s working a Xmas party with/for Philamena tonight in Highland Park. She’s had a rough day, rushing around, leaving her phone AND her wallet at Ross Dress for Less. Luckily they found both (phone was in dressing room, wallet at checkout counter), so i went by and picked them up.

I am really proud of M, though. She’s really hanging tough here in Dallas. She has really been my pillar of strength up until like last week, when i finally started to feel a bit “at home” here. She is just so much better at change, at adapting to change, than i am. Especially BIG change– and our move to Dallas is the biggest change we’ve ever encountered together.

So, i sorta had a few breakdowns last week and the week before– anxiety, depression. Anxious about work and money, depressed about being lonely, not feeling at home in Cheryl’s house, etc. And had a pretty major meltdown last weekend: got food poisoning, had been eating really bad stuff like fast food, sugar, etc. Crap. Stayed home Friday the 2nd, a week ago, ‘cuz i’d been up all night shitting and puking. And in pain. All over.

And then the breakdown.

But enough of that bummer stuff. Suffice to say i’ve not felt better in Dallas in the two months we’ve been up here. This was a good week. It’s nice to feel needed, like at work here… And Aaron’s invited me and M to a party at his house tomorrow night… looking forward to that.

But that will be after Cheryl’s Holiday Yoga Social tomorrow early evening. I’ll be massaging people there, for donations. I really need to think about what i’m going to do… Anything special? I really liked Vivian’s hot rocks. Made for a sweet and quick relaxer for a 15-minute massage. First place the stones on the back, on the back of the knees. Then use some of them to massage thru the clothes. When she did me it was nice. I didn’t quite feel that I had the hang of it the one massage i did at the chili cook-off…

And that’s another thing i’ve been feeling a bit anxious about: my massage. I’m just feeling very unsure of myself and of my massages these days. I think the experience with Wli and Gb kinda scarred me a bit. I felt *rushed* there, a bit stiff. Especially the first hour, with Wli. The second one, with Gb, was definitely better, but still not quite right.

And it didn’t help that Wli had the Financial Channel on FULL BLAST, with that LOUD-ASS M*F* young (apparently hot property) stock advisor screaming his head off (“TIME WARNER??? THEY’RE A FANTASTIC BUY RIGHT NOW!!! SNATCH UP AS MANY SHARES AS YOU CAN!!!), and throwing desk chairs around the stage, busting them up, as an all-male crowd “WOOF!!!”s him on.

Cheez. Yeah, i guess i’m probably a bit scarred from that one alright.

OK. Better now…

This new Kate Bush is pretty mellow. Nothing very weird like “Big Stripey Lie” from the Red Shoes or “Waking the Witch” from Hounds of Love, or “Leave It Open” from the Dreaming. Which kinda bums me out, really. I LIKED her wierd, more experimental stuff. The most daring thing on this album (well, besides the fact that it’s a two-disc set) is the really cool birdsong/human twitter blend on side two. VERY cool. But also a bit too subtle, and just plain not ENOUGH of it. I suppose she’s all grown up now, and happy in her motherhood and the simple things in her family life. Well, damn good for her! To Kate! (“to Kate!”)

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